Changing the Standard


  1. something established by authority, custom, or general consent as a model or example :  criterion 
  2.  something set up and established by authority as a rule for the measure of quantity,

I heard a guy make a joking comment about a meme he had seen in social media. The meme compared male and female requirements for relationships.  The list or requirements the men had for the women was very short. It consisted of  about five items that were not very descriptive. However, the women’s list of requirements for men was about one hundred items.

Later, I heard one man advise his male friend  with hopes of bringing relief of the ongoing frustration he seemed to have in his attempt to relate to others.  The man told him “your standards are too high.” He continued by saying “it causes you to attack.”

The first comment about the meme is one that I’ve heard before. Women are just specific and detailed in that way. Further, some of us are caught up in looking for Prince Charming, Mr. Right or better yet Mr. Perfect. Nonetheless, the second comment among friends was sobering for me. I thought about how often we set unattainable standards for others. Often we expect others to be what we have yet to become. What’s more important their character and accomplishments  or ours and what we bring to the table? Will who they are make us feel better about ourselves or should it even matter? Should another person’s level of accomplishment add to our happiness? Regardless of what we read in latest romance novel or what we may have seen on TV lives with no mistakes are non-existent. Should we require from others what we are not willing to do ourselves? How can we judge others for the same things we have been guilty of ourselves?

Our humanness comes with innumerable flaws and imperfections. We are all real people with real issues. Perfect people as society defines perfection can only be found in books or in cinema.

There are three things to consider as we set standards for the significant other we want to share our lives with. First, everyone evolves and changes at his or her own pace. It’s our choice whether or not we allow them space in our lives.  Our assessment of another is always biased. The sometimes perplexing circumstances of life affect us all differently. The best we can offer another is the same we desire–unconditional love. When we love unconditionally we do both parties a favor. What we give to others is what we give to ourselves.

Secondly, we attract people into our lives that we have called forth due to our own indwelling desires. So could it be that our rejection of them is a rejection of the reflection that we see in ourselves? Then we should ask is it right to attack or judge others in what we perceive to be a weakness?

Finally, what should we do? Do we change our standards? Do we lower our standards? Let’s determine what we can handle and what we are equipped to deal with from others while considering what we ourselves are also bringing to the table. Then simply just focus on being honest and loving.

Thank you for reading

Authentic thoughts are thoughts that are genuine and sincerely expressed. Authentic thoughts reverberate with other authentic individuals so they have an irresistible urge to ponder and or respectfully respond from their own unique perspective.

Share your authentic thoughts. Post a comment.

Peace and light,

Dr. Free





The Beauty of Contrast

Growing up I heard my elders talk about experiencing trials and tribulations of life. I used the lens they used to interpret their experience to understand my own. Like them I concluded that in my life I was either going to a storm or through a storm. If I wasn’t in trouble of some kind in a little while I would find myself in the midst of one.

I accepted the inevitability of tragedy and trouble as part of my human experience. I didn’t understand the essence and power of my inner being to create my own reality.

Today, I have come into my own sense of being, which took almost half a century (if I consider linear time), I now see things much differently. Now I understand the universal law of attraction. I know that I create the reality that I chose to exist in. There are some “things” in my reality that I recognize simply as wanted and unwanted. Rather than labeling these things as a challenge, trouble,  trials, or tribulations–they are wanted or unwanted. In other words they are contrasts.

Contrast are beautiful because they are not sinful (whatever that is), shameful, guilt filled nor regretful. Recognizing life’s experiences in this way keeps me free from succumbing to unnecessary weights and responsibilities. Additionally, I don’t feel defeated, instead because of the beautiful light of contrast, it is easier to choose what I desire most and embrace what brings me the greatest contentment.

Contrast is beautiful because it truly reveals where I am and helps me get to the better places that I want to be in. In fact, the more contrasting experiences I have the more I move toward  the best version of my desire. Contrast confirms what I don’t want on the way to what I do want. There is just as much value in knowing what one doesn’t want as there is in knowing what one does want.



“As the original people there was no need to call ourselves Black. The name Black and all the others came from the Europeans. No one existed with us in the beginning that was different from us even though all so-called races came from us. In fact throughout the continent of Africa we have always existed in varying shades not just darker browns. Whatever the shade melanin is a blessing not a curse and we should wear it like royal robes. Lets do our homework, learn our history, and gain knowledge of self” Dr. Free

Authentic thoughts are thoughts that are genuine and sincerely expressed. Authentic thoughts reverberate with other authentic individuals so they have an irresistible urge to ponder and or respectfully respond from their own unique perspective.

Thank you for reading. Express yourself. Share your authentic thoughts. Post a comment.

Peace and love,

Dr. Free

Racism Defined

“Racism is really a mental disorder. Manifestation of racist behaviour as a result of domination are the denial of reality, perceptual distortion, delusion of grandeur, phobias in the face of differences, and projecting blame (blaming the victim). Europeans had to lie to themselves about what Africa was and had been, and to keep that information going one adapts to unreality. So when you see reality it is necessary to deny it. So denial of reality would be, to look at the population of Kemet (ancient Egypt) and say it was a white population. That is flat out denial of what the facts say. It is not true that the white group is superior to anyone and to believe in that is a psychological distortion of reality.” Dr. Asa Hillard