Changing the Standard


  1. something established by authority, custom, or general consent as a model or example :  criterion 
  2.  something set up and established by authority as a rule for the measure of quantity,

I heard a guy make a joking comment about a meme he had seen in social media. The meme compared male and female requirements for relationships.  The list or requirements the men had for the women was very short. It consisted of  about five items that were not very descriptive. However, the women’s list of requirements for men was about one hundred items.

Later, I heard one man advise his male friend  with hopes of bringing relief of the ongoing frustration he seemed to have in his attempt to relate to others.  The man told him “your standards are too high.” He continued by saying “it causes you to attack.”

The first comment about the meme is one that I’ve heard before. Women are just specific and detailed in that way. Further, some of us are caught up in looking for Prince Charming, Mr. Right or better yet Mr. Perfect. Nonetheless, the second comment among friends was sobering for me. I thought about how often we set unattainable standards for others. Often we expect others to be what we have yet to become. What’s more important their character and accomplishments  or ours and what we bring to the table? Will who they are make us feel better about ourselves or should it even matter? Should another person’s level of accomplishment add to our happiness? Regardless of what we read in latest romance novel or what we may have seen on TV lives with no mistakes are non-existent. Should we require from others what we are not willing to do ourselves? How can we judge others for the same things we have been guilty of ourselves?

Our humanness comes with innumerable flaws and imperfections. We are all real people with real issues. Perfect people as society defines perfection can only be found in books or in cinema.

There are three things to consider as we set standards for the significant other we want to share our lives with. First, everyone evolves and changes at his or her own pace. It’s our choice whether or not we allow them space in our lives.  Our assessment of another is always biased. The sometimes perplexing circumstances of life affect us all differently. The best we can offer another is the same we desire–unconditional love. When we love unconditionally we do both parties a favor. What we give to others is what we give to ourselves.

Secondly, we attract people into our lives that we have called forth due to our own indwelling desires. So could it be that our rejection of them is a rejection of the reflection that we see in ourselves? Then we should ask is it right to attack or judge others in what we perceive to be a weakness?

Finally, what should we do? Do we change our standards? Do we lower our standards? Let’s determine what we can handle and what we are equipped to deal with from others while considering what we ourselves are also bringing to the table. Then simply just focus on being honest and loving.

Thank you for reading

Authentic thoughts are thoughts that are genuine and sincerely expressed. Authentic thoughts reverberate with other authentic individuals so they have an irresistible urge to ponder and or respectfully respond from their own unique perspective.

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Peace and light,

Dr. Free